While pregnant, one of the main questions asked was, are you going to nurse? I proudly said yes! Little did I know that this was going to be one of the hardest things I would ever do! Right after Reign was born, the nurse put him in my arms, and this unexplainable feeling came over me. I felt so empowered and stronger than ever before. This was a new bond that no one could interrupt, but it took seconds after to realize that with all of that came challenges. Shortly after the nurses came in and gave me a schedule… yes a schedule. My heart dropped knowing my body was now responsible for feeding this beautiful human. Fear came in remembering all the stories I have heard in the past with other mothers. Many told me that their milk never came in or it hurt too much, or the baby won’t latch. I put my fighting face on, and I promised myself I would do it until I couldn’t.
This is HARD, and it HURTS.
I keep saying to myself. I thought this was going to be such a smooth, beautiful experience. It was far from it. Feeding every two hours felt like I was putting on my seatbelt on a roller coaster and waiting for the significant drop to happen. My husband would look at me with such an “I’m so sorry face.” I told myself to push through, and I told myself with every feeding it’s going to get better, but it didn’t! The pain began to become unbearable and the fear of “I don’t think I’m feeding reign ENOUGH” came crashing in. I looked at my husband and said, please take out the pump. My heart broke, and I became instantly sad that I couldn’t have that experience with my son to bond as he nursed. I even thought if he can’t latch; I’ll switch to formula (which there is absolutely nothing wrong with. Feeding is feeding). I stopped myself at that moment and said NO. Is this challenge yes but its worth it! So I pumped and pumped to give Reign bottles of breastmilk and with this change came extra work. The bottles had to be sterilized often and correctly. Milk had to be timed out and stored probably. I remember talking with a mommy about how overwhelmed I was after eight weeks, and she looked at me and said, “try latching again.” I looked at her like she was crazy. I went home and thought about it until I said let’s see. Can you believe Reign latched? It didn’t hurt, and it felt so natural? At that moment I felt free and full of joy. Since then I have been a strong breastfeeding mommy. I plan on going until my wheels fall off!
I encourage all the mommy’s to be, and those struggling with feeding, this may seem so hard but push through you got this. While it is hard, your little one is worth it. To all my mommy’s that tried and couldn’t you’re a rockstar and an incredible woman don’t let the world tell you anything different.