C R O S S F I T . . . When I first heard the word I thought to myself “that’s something created for people that are super fit and capable of doing the unknown.” My sister started this incredible journey, and she invited me to try CrossFit out. When she mentioned it, I looked at her like she had five heads but the conversation got my attention and inspired me to give it a chance.
It’s my first day at the box (gym). As I parked my car, I thought to myself “You’re crazy if you think you can do this.” There’s no way CrossFit could be for me. My anxiety began to get louder, my heart was beating faster, and I could hear the sound of my engine starting, urging me to go back home. At that moment, I thought turning around would save me the embarrassment of failing but I’ve tried everything else, why not try the unknown?
What are they saying?
Are they judging me?
You know a woman of your size won’t be able to do half the stuff these fit people are doing.
I walked in with a smile (but holding back a hundred pounds of doubt.) Good morning, my name is Veronica….. little did I know, this decision would change my life. Class after class, I found myself doing things outside of my wildest imagination. I had great days where I felt accomplished, and others, where I felt defeated because I didn’t finish a WOD (Workout of the Day) the way I wanted to. Looking back on those moments, I learned how to accept the process because they brought me to where I am today. This box became my haven because it’s filled with a bunch of people just as crazy as me who want to do better. These people became my family. The place I was afraid to walk into became home. I could be having the worst day ever, but this place and these people remind me of who I am and encourage who I want to be.
Nike released a plus size active wear line, and when I heard the news I was blown away! Nike, one the biggest companies in the world finally thought of the plus size women around the world. I quickly went to the site, excited to see what they created. As I was looking at the reviews, I came across a comment that hit me right in the heart. – “This line is stupid, fat girls don’t work out, and they will die soon of a heart attack.” I also noticed another comment from a young lady that said: “This is why I don’t go to the gym – people will judge me because of how I look working out.” My heart broke knowing I was that girl and I too felt that exact feeling. I’m sweating, everything is all over the place, and the last thing I want is someone staring at me. You may be that girl but if you made up your mind to change your life, make the whole room uncomfortable. I commend the girl that decides to look past that uncomfortable feeling of being put in a category before someone has a conversation with you. I applaud that girl who pushes to make a change when it feels impossible. They may laugh; they may point fingers and talk when you walk out the room but never lose sight of who you are and your goals. You’re getting closer, and I’m proud of you.
THE OPEN 2017
Every year, Crossfit hosts an event for athletes around the world called “THE OPEN.” When I asked what it was, it sounded like something totally out of my ability, but my amazing coaches pushed me to participate. Don’t get me wrong, I already created a reason to back out of it at the last minute, but that wasn’t an option.
The first WOD included box jumps! I looked over to my couch and laughed like yeah this isn’t happening. When I was 17, I tore my ACL and MCL during a softball game, and my knee hasn’t been the same. My coached looked at my me with so much confidence and told me that I could absolutely can. On one side of the box I felt depression, anxiety, fear, burdens, struggle, and pain but on the other side, there was hope, love, forgiveness, excitement, and freedom. All I had to do was get to the other side.
I CAN’T DO THIS. I’m not good enough for this.
As I stood there, I would go for it then stop knowing I could miss and get hurt but then I would be crazy enough to try again. I make another attempt and fail. I would get back up and try again. This time I tried harder, but I fell again. Finally, I walked away asking myself, whats holding you back? – Me. This moment taught me I had to embrace who I am, put my fears behind me and fly. I approached the box one more time, and I remember saying JUST JUMP. I closed my eyes (looking back now I would have kept them open for safety reasons). I jumped, landing both feet on the box. To be honest, I didn’t know I until I opened my eyes to see my coach screaming because I made it. WHAT!?! I made it? ME? – YES!
At that moment I felt like I learned to fly. I earned my wings!!
I jumped to the other side and felt fearless for the first time in my life.
The box jump taught me to forgive someone that doesn’t deserve it. It taught me to love someone even if “they” don’t love me back. The box jump was challenging but overcoming the obstacle in front of me wasn’t for anyone else; it was for me. The other side is so much sweeter.
Whether it’s an issue in life or an extreme workout, that box will always be there but remind yourself, you can and overcome them. Sometimes you may miss, and it may hurt, but get back up there’s a jump you need to land!
To the person in those comments bashing the women trying to love themselves and look good while WORKING out, I’m sorry you feel that way, but I have a jump I need to land. To that young lady that has those fears, I hear you love; sometimes I find myself in that place too. I’ve been afraid to do things because it gives the opportunity for people to have an opinion of who I am and what I’m doing before they’ve had a conversation with me. If I can encourage you with a few words, I would say this: “Baby girl lace your kicks up girl you have some jumps to land! I celebrate your strength!!”
LAND THAT JUMP!!!